former location of the long and twisted tale of one girl's awkward journey through misdiagnosis and diagnosis...and right back around to undiagnosis! current location of that same girl's misadventures and rare strokes of genius, and the occasional tale from law school and young lawyerdom.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
i don't know if it's school- or winter- or post-vacation- or nicotine-withdrawal-related, but lately i'm in a serious slump. i'm generally overwhelmed with all that is going to go down in 2007 -- finishing up school, graduating, preparing for the bar exam, taking the bar exam, finding a job, starting a job, paying back my loans, fixing my snoring problem, et cetera...
ugh. so yesterday afternoon, after spending literally an hour and a half trying to untangle a skein of yarn that had gotten out of control, i went balls-out and totally rearranged the furniture in my apartment. yep -- all looks new now. i made my living room space more conversational, my bedroom space more bedroom-y (moved the bed from the corner into the middle). then did a big cleaning of the kitchen and bathroom. oh, and i did five loads of laundry -- clothes, towels, sheets, blankets, bath mats, the works!
i feel better. i think i needed to exercise some control over some aspect of my life. and truthfully, perhaps the only thing i can control right now is my space. but that's something, right?
in other news, i'm currently on day eleven of my most recent attempt to quit smoking. i REALLY want to make this one stick. i'm not exactly getting any younger, and i'm tired of stinking like cigarettes and throwing money away at a really unhealthy habit. the tough part, however, is that i miss it. in some way, i feel like i've just finally broken up with a boyfriend who was a completely selfish jerk, but who was incredibly hot. i miss what was familiar, what had become habit...but this is clearly for the best. it helps that my actual boyfriend, who is not a completely selfish jerk, has also quit smoking -- it's a team effort. so we get to be all grumpy and anti-social and experience our withdrawal together. how sweet!
oh, and the client counseling competition has begun. i predict that krista and i will again reign supreme. but i'm convinced that our 3L-ness will work against us. we'll see...
Friday, January 19, 2007
viva las vegas!
we returned home to pittsburgh on monday night. i've been attempting to detox/ recover ever sense. las vegas left quite an impression on me, and it deserves some final words here on this blog.
i had some expectations of my vegas visit before the vacation began. i expected to feel overwhelmed. i expected to find it very ridiculous. i expected to feel really poor and small-town. but i was excited about the bright lights and the bling and the fancy hotels and all the things that are basically the complete opposite of my normal goings on. those expectations were met. and exceeded!
las vegas is this weird freakish oasis plopped down in the middle of the desert. it's like some sort of extraterrestrial shrapnel, off course and unnatural. and it seems to attract all things alien, all things fantastic, all things unreal. i understand that people do actually live in las vegas, but i don't know how or where they do this. granted, all i saw was the fanfare of the strip, so i didn't exactly have the complete vegas experience. but i feel pretty confident that i had an authentic vegas experience -- porn stars, thousand dollar chips, incredible meals, free-flowing drinks -- i got what i went for.
i love las vegas. i admit it! las vegas made me swoony! i wanted to buy the t-shirts! i wanted to send the postcards! i wanted to take pictures with the mimes and the guy on the stilts! i wanted all of it. every last bit.
and i wanted to gamble! so, gamble i did. slots, blackjack, poker, roulette, the saints/eagles game! this was not emily -- this was something entirely new. this was vegasemily.
looking back on it, becoming vegasemily was inevitable. a girl who is so easily amused, so quickly fascinated, so effortlessly entertained, is fated -- doomed, perhaps -- to transform to something different in a place like las vegas. and i loved every minute of it!
sin city didn't make me evil or out of control or anything bad -- it just made everything feel a little bit amplified. the closest i came to a true moment of downfall was late on our last night, when carson and i were back in our hotel room... i had $1100 in ben franklins in my hot little hands and something came over me -- i could feel my eyes getting all crazy. i looked at carson and said, "i'm going downstairs right now and putting all of this on black!" luckily (or unluckily, as luck is a fickle creature), carson's response was, "no, you're not. i can't let you do that." he's a good boy.
ah, las vegas, you made me want to write novels. you made me want to write poems. you made me into a crazy drunk for a few days. and i thank you for it! thanks for the good times, thanks for the delicious food, thanks for the amazing service (it was almost like being in the south!), thanks for the stories. oh, and thanks for the cash -- now i can afford to pay my bar exam application fee.
i hope to see you again soon!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
what goes around comes around... or, karma: casino style!
last night at new york new york (and after having literally the best meal of my life at this place called delmonico at the venetian), carson and i played roulette. i've never played roulette. because it scares me. frankly, a lot of these games scare me, but i think i've caught a bit of the gambling fever while being here (and for the record, i'm up about $600 -- i think this is called "beginner's luck"). we were at the $10 minimum bet tables, because i'm a chicken. i had a chip on 9. the board looks like this.
now, if you were curious enough to click on that last link, you'll notice that the 9 is right above the 12. when the little evil ball did its spinaroo, it stopped on the 12. and somehow in the betting, my chip had gotten shifted so that it looked like it was between the 9 and 12. the payout for this move, called a "split" is 17 to 1. well, my bet got confused and the dealer gave me the 17 to 1 payout. but i'm terribly superstitious (not to mention woefully incapable of dishonesty), so i said to the dealer, "i can't take these chips -- i meant for my bet to be on the 9." now, either the dealer didn't want to go through the hassle of having to call the pit boss over (remember -- in casinos, there are cameras EVERYWHERE!) or he didn't care because my bet was only a dollar chip, but he thanked me for my honesty and told me to just keep it, since it looked like the chip was on the 9-12 split.
so, next spin, i put out my bets, with $2 on the 1. lo and behold, the 1 comes up, and i win $70! see, folks? honesty pays off.
and after that, carson and i moved to a table game called "let it ride", where i had two threes-of-a-kind in a row on the 3 card draw, and i again doubled carson's money.
the lesson here: don't try to cheat the casino gods. the casino gods will reward you for your forthrightness.
p.s. i had gummy bears for breakfast today. I LOVE LAS VEGAS!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
easy come, easy go...
you want to know what i held in my hand last night? a $1000 chip! whoa. one thousand dollars. actually, i had about $1100 of chips in my pocket after we had finished playing blackjack at the luxor. carson staked me (i.e., i played with his money and we split the winnings). i got on a winning streak, doubled my money, and then totally stopped because i am a giant chicken. seriously -- i'm like the wussiest gambler ever. if i win a decent amount on the slots, i stop playing. if i start losing at the table games, i stop playing. when i was winning big at blackjack, i got so goddamn nervous that my heart was beating in my throat -- i wanted to quit while i was ahead. and so i did. and then i was walking around with a $1000 chip in my pocket. which was pretty cool. and then i won another $150 on the slot machines.
if i can keep this up (famous last words), i'm totally buying a new computer.
anyway, when we got back to the venetian, the luck wasn't as good, but the drinks were strong and the porn stars were EVERYWHERE. jeez--porn stars! i've never seen more fake bodies in my life!
viva las vegas!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
carson and i arrived safely in las vegas this morning. what was the first thing we did? take a long nap. totally exciting. but then we got up, had an amazing dinner, and did a bit of casino hopping.
the cab driver who drove us from the airport to our hotel (we're staying at the venetian, which is incredible!) told us that currently there's a porn convention going on in vegas. a porn convention!!! um, is there anything more las vegas than a porn convention?!?!
and the best part? (or the funniest part, depending on your perspective.) guess who we saw in the casino earlier this evening? ron jeremy. ron fucking jeremy! jeez! he's really not an attractive man. like, not at all.
nonetheless, this is all hilarious to me. viva las vegas!
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
moon did one of those stupid tag things and tagged me, and i'm not gonna play along. the topic du jour is "five things you might not know about me". well, i don't think i could come up with five things, since i'm not exactly tight-lipped about the goings-on in my silly head. besides, all the important stuff exists within this blog, so if you're curious (or really bored), check out the archives.
i will share one thing, however. i'm terrified of flying. really. i hate it. hate airplanes, hate take-offs and landings, hate complimentary beverage services, hate the weird flushing mechanisms of the air-toilets, hate the fasten-your-seatbelt signs, but mostly i hate the turbulence. like, white-knuckles, stomach-in-my-throat hate it.
after my mom died, after that winter break, when my dad drove me to the airport to return to south bend, i literally begged him not to make me get on the plane. i was crying in the airport. granted, my emotional state wasn't exactly at its most stable at that point, a mere four weeks into the grieving process, but i was wholeheartedly convinced that my plane was going to crash and my bones and guts would be smashed to smithereens. as we all know, everything turned out to be fine. and as the years have passed, while i haven't completely overcome my fear, the terror has gotten much less irrational.
i don't know if i believe in god or spirits or any of those things. but there are things i do every time i fly. when i was in middle school, my mom and i flew out to san antonio to visit her favorite aunt (the wonderful woman after whom i was named). it was the only time i ever flew with my mom. as we boarded the flight, she placed her hand on the side of the plane's door for a few seconds. after we were seated, she told me that she always does that when she flies -- puts her hand on the aircraft and says a silent prayer for god to look after everyone on the flight and carry them to their destinations safely. ever since, on every flight i've taken, i've done the same. i don't know that i'm asking god for help, but i'm placing my trust in some higher power, be it the almighty or the cosmos or technology or the pilots in the cockpit. and it makes me feel a little better, a little safer, a little less on edge.
there's another thing i always do. when i was a wee lass, back when my parents were still practically newlyweds and lived in a rented house, my mom sewed all of our christmas decorations. i have this one ornament, a little angel, made of felt and stuffed with cotton. she always flies with me. always. i know it's silly and superstitious, but it makes me feel a little better, a little safer, a little less on edge. and even if its only effect is to put my mind at ease, it seems a worthwhile ritual.
tomorrow morning i'll be boarding a plane for a four-hour flight to las vegas. i won't sleep well tonight. but i have the little felt and cotton angel in my bag, and i'll say a silent prayer as i board the plane. and i'll trust that the voyage will be divinely guided and that all will be well.
because, really, if i let all of my irrational fears keep me from doing things, i'd be a pretty silly girl.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
to the 2L students in my family law class...
dear 2Ls in my family law class,
i'm sorry i was so angry and bitched that i hate you all today after class when my friend came in for tax (the classes are in the same room). i know that some of you heard me, and it wasn't very cool for me to be such a raging asshole. because, really, i suck just as much. i mean, it's not like i raised my hand to argue that maybe actions based on breach of contract in anticipation of marriage should examine fault of the parties, even though i think that sometimes they should, and that taking a purely no-fault approach, while "easier" on the courts, is fundamentally inadequate.
so, i'm sorry. i was totally "that" 3L today, and i hang my head in shame. i promise that next time i bitch about you, i will do so while out of earshot.
the last first day of school...
hey! whoa! happy new year from throckmorton!
a certain member of my reading public (who anymore is probably my only reader) has chastised me several times for not blogging as much these days. was i swept under the rug of the holiday madness? have i finally been lost in the rolling sea of law? am i on boyfriend island?
no, just full of neglect. inexcusably, apologetically, despicably...
anyhoo, today was a momentous occasion -- not only did OSU lose the BCS championship game (woot!), but today was my very last first day of school. ever! (probably.) i began my very last semester of law school today. this crazy ride will reach the bottom of it's downward slippery slope in a wee four months. holy crap! where has it all gone?
truth be told, i'm a bit sad about it. donny called me a romantic today for waxing nostalgic about the past 2.5 years, but i don't care. i've enjoyed this law school process. i really have. and i'll be sad to see it go.
in other news, i made my karaoke debut at arsenal lanes' friday karaoke bowling night. i blame sandy. she practically forced me into it by making me drink beers and tempting me with journey songs. wanna know what we sang? in honor of pittsburgh, and the song that i've heard more often since living here than any other bad corporate rock tune, we sang "don't stop believin'". and it was fantastic. there was air guitar and dancing and lots of gratuitous use of the metal sign. and the best thing about karaoke? when you're up there, you can't even hear yourself, so you're forever spared from just how horribly you're actually bombing in front of the mic and the teleprompter thingy. hooray!
as for the athletic portion of the evening, i bowled a 56 and an 87. i am awesome.
i leave for vegas in 2 days! expect blog posts!