wormy...

here's part of the father's day phone conversation i had with my dad yesterday:

me: so, dad, do you have any big father's day plans?
dad: i've got an exciting day planned of cleaning the maggots out of basil's cage.
(basil is my sister's snake, who has just passed on to snake heaven)
me: um, how did maggots get in basil's cage?
dad: emily, maggots live in all of us!
me: no, dad. they do not.
dad: yes they do -- it's like dr. kuluz (my pediatrician) told me when you were a baby -- "it's a wormy world".
me: right, i'll give you that there are tons of organisms that live in our bodies in a happy little symbiotic existence, but maggots are not in that club.
dad: emily! yes they are!
me: DAD! DO YOU KNOW WHAT MAGGOTS ARE? THEY'RE LARVAL FLIES! do you honestly expect me to believe that i have baby flies living in me right now?
dad: emily. yes.
me: then why don't i have flies bursting forth from my skin all the time? that's disgusting.
dad: did you ever think that maybe your body takes care of them before they get to that stage?
me: no, dad. i didn't. because i do not have maggots living inside of me. and neither do you.
dad: all i know is what dr. kuluz told me.
me: i'm going to have to do some research on this to prove to you that you're wrong.
dad: do that. submit me a paper, please.

he was just so earnest about the whole thing. he really believes it. gross. why is my dad so foolish? and yes--i know what you're all thinking. and what you're all thinking is that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. well, at least the tree doesn't have maggots.