the sleepless whatifs...

i dunno what it is*, but lately i've got the insomnia something fierce. no matter how tired i am, as soon as i climb into bed and turn out the lights, i'm wide awake. without fail. or, i'll fall asleep, but right around 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning, my eyes spring open and refuse to find sleep, even though my body is still very tired.

the worst part? while this awful sleeplessness is going on, my mind wanders from terrible topic to terrible topic. this parade of horribles goes like this:
what if i can't find a job?
what if i fail the bar exam?
what if i never fall in love again?
what if i run out of money?
what if i have ovarian cysts?
what if i never feel like i have my shit together?
what if something happens to my dad/brother/sister?
where the hell do i want to be in august?
pittsburgh or philadelphia?
pittsburgh or philadelphia?
pittsburgh or philadelphia?
pittsburgh or philadelphia?
pittsburgh or philadelphia?

ugh...



*this isn't entirely true -- i might just be a little bit stressed out these days. i bet that's to blame.