too close to home...

yesterday krista and i went to a two hour vinyasa intensive class at our favorite neighborhood yoga studio. both of us were a little apprehensive beforehand -- could we do it? are we hardcore enough for a two hour class? were we hydrated enough? you see, amazing yoga does hot yoga, the kind where the heat is about 100 degrees and the humidity is above 90% -- it's kinda like doing yoga in a sauna. i typically drink two full 32 oz nalgene bottles in a 75 minute class, and by the end of the class my towel is drenched with sweat. sound gross? yep! and completely awesome.

yesterday's class was indeed intense. it was hot as hell in the studio, and hot as hell outside. the class was tough. and fantastic. i'm really glad that we went. even with those ten minutes in frog position, which is easily the least comfortable position ever of all times.

but all of that is context. here's what i want to blog about:

about an hour into the class, a girl toward the front of the room fell over and started to seize. i'm sure the heat was largely to blame, and honestly, given how hot it gets in the room and how challenging some of the postures are, i'm surprised that i haven't seen people pass out before. the scary thing was that i've never in my life seen someone have a seizure before. and immediately, in my mind, it was me on the floor. it was awful. she was curled up on the ground, convulsing... and of course everybody in the class was shocked and nobody knew what to do.

the instructor and his wife (also an instructor, and both of them are the owners) handled it well -- the girl was only out for a second, and when she came to, they helped her outside and made sure she was okay. but everyone in the class was a little on edge.

as for me and my silly self-absorbed, damaged-goods, neurologically-sensitive self? well, i was a little terrified. and embarrassed. and afraid. so that's what i looked like when i've had seizures? that's how it feels to watch someone go through that? it's almost better to be the one who passes out -- at least then you're not aware of how horrible the ordeal looks. it frankly scared the hell out of me. it flooded my head with all the thoughts and emotions and memories of the days when i thought i had a brain tumor, the days when every little blip in my body felt like the prelude to a grand mal.

my god. how haunting is the past? it's like a shadow -- it's always there, it just takes a certain cast of light to see it.