girl with broken heart...

oh, the inevitable balance of the universe...

i had planned to spend today catching up on reading, getting a lot of work done, doing some job searching. instead i've spent the day in my pajamas, never straying too far from my phone, wishing it would ring but knowing that it won't. today feels heavy and wasted and unfair. and very very sad. how do we live in a world that can be so bereft of logic or predictability? how do i let myself get so hurt?

this feels like the wrong forum to unload what i'm feeling. not only does it feel too public, but i've deliberately chosen to keep some things private, and what i'm going through right now definitely falls under that category. so i'm not going to say much more. just that today is all about grief. tomorrow may be, too. and that's okay. despite it all, i have no regrets, no remorse. nor could i have prevented this. which is what makes it so awful.

timing is a motherfucker.

right now, though, i need to learn to be where i am, not to focus on what can or cannot be.