just when you think...

...you know yourself, you realize...

okay, let's take this out of the second person. i, emily, had a realization about myself the other night. i'm sitting at the 61c cafe in squirrel hill with krista, we're attempting to study (but doing a really poor job of it, due in part to a really obnoxious debate about middle east politics at the table next to us, and an unfortunate interaction with some other 61c patrons when we moved to a new table), and i started thinking about wednesday night, when krista and sandy and i went to yoga. on the ride home from yoga, krista and sandy were remarking about being competitive during yoga and being aware of the other people in the room.

huh, i thought, the only thing i think about the other people in the room when i'm in a yoga class is how funny they all look upside down.

and then it occurred to me... i'm not competitive! emily is not a competitive person! wha?!

now, when i shared this realization with krista, she replied with, "oh, emily. it's because you're a hippie! i've been trying to convince you of this since the first day we met, back when you made fun of me for being a hippie." she's right. i'm a hippie. a noncompetitive, anti-capitalist, compulsively-knitting-and-purling, star-wars-loving, houseplant-owning hippie.

now, the people with whom i've since discussed this haven't been surprised. but doesn't it seem that being competitive is somehow something i should be? i mean, i'm in law school, for chrissakes! it's not like i'm in school to become a massage therapist (i'm not sure why massage therapy was the best i could come up with as a non-competitive career path...). but, when i think about my choices in life, it makes sense that i'm not competitive. i like poetry. i like making stuff. i wanna help poor people. i mean, i want to be a public defender -- clearly playing for the winning team is NOT high on my list of priorities.

so there you go. i'm not competitive. woot woot woot!