moms and dads...

krista's parents got into town this evening for a thanksgiving visit. at krista's invitation, i tagged along for the fetching of the parents from the airport. and then we all went to dinner. this was the first time i had met krista's parents. before we left school, my friend anne asked, "are you nervous? do you think you guys are ready for this step?" the silly thing is that i was a little nervous. not like sweaty-palms nervous, just nervous in the way that i know i sometimes just say stupid things and am particularly good at making an ass of myself in front of people who don't already know that i'm an ass. but apparently the emily brand of interaction went over okay with krista's mom and dad, who are truly fantastic (no surprise -- i doubted that the tree could be far from where the apple had fallen) and i really enjoyed spending some time with them.

and of course, as being with a friend's parents will do, it got me thinking about my own parents and how good they've always been with my friends, about how my dad is totally that dad who is genuinely interested in talking to my friends and who insists that they call him by his first name. about how i always kinda get excited about showing off my friends to my parents and my parents to my friends. and, on a sadder note, how i feel like i have all these truly amazing people in my life right now who will never know or be known by my mom. and she really was terrific. she was beautiful and smart and kind and graceful and funny and patient. yeah, she could be a pain in the ass and was stubborn about some stupid things and had a tendency to get overly critical (talk about the apple not falling far from the tree...sheesh!) but she was just so wonderful.

and i'm currently having one of those i-warned-you-guys-this-would-happen moments where i'm sitting here crying a wee bit wishing my mom could be around for just a little bit longer, because i'll always need her a little, i'll always value her perspective and her wisdom. but the sucky part is that i'll never get to talk to her, to hear her laugh, to get mad at her for being a mom. i'll never get to introduce my friends to her. and while i really want to resist saying that this is totally unfair, because i understand all too well that fairness just doesn't even enter into it, i can't help but feel--just a little--that it just kinda sucks.