trampolines and self-esteem camp...
yesterday in international law i got called on. and i choked. whatever. this happens to everyone. it's happened to me before and it will likely happen to me again. it's all character building, right?
but it destroyed me at the time. i felt like the world's biggest imbecile. several of my friends are in the class with me, and the professor is one of my favorites, one in front of whom i definitely do not want to look like a fool. i don't understand what happens in my head to make me turn into a "fumbling" (thanks, tom) moron whenever i get called on.
i've been giving a lot of thought lately as to what i'm doing in school, as to whether i can cut it, as to what i should do with a law degree. and i don't know the answer to any of those queries. i know i'm smart, if by no other evidence because i have smart friends, and smart people generally tend to befriend other smart people. but as to the kind of smart i am? it's becoming apparent that i'm not the sounds-brilliant-when-called-upon smart. nor am i the straight-As-in-law-school smart. but i just can't (and won't) accept that i'm mediocre. jesus. anything but mediocre.
boo hoo. enough of this silliness. time to read for class.
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a word of advice to anyone who has or is considering getting a kitten: don't feed it catnip after midnight. because if you do, you assume the risk of having a roly-poly whirligig turn your bed into a trampoline for hours while you try to fall asleep. and when you wake up in the morning the aforementioned whiligig may still be at it, and she may have brought all of her toys with her. and it won't matter if you try to kick her off the bed or out of the room -- she's small and crafty and she loves you, so she will figure out a way to return.
consider yourself warned.
posted by emily @ Thursday, October 13, 2005
7 comments
7 Comments:
Madison is a nut with or without catnip. I actually get her "cat-nip free" toys to avoid what I know will be the inevitable. Actually she is probably worse than Kenobi because if I don't jump on everything with her she crawls under the sheets and attacks my feet when I move. Definitely not fun.
As to law school. I am reminded of a particular day last week that you blogged about re: me and chickens. Mick, you're very smart. I knew this when I met you via Tom Ross (who is the best bronze god ever!). But seriously, we can joke about fumbling in class because we all know now it isn't the be-all, end-all and we also know that each of us is better than what we show. Look, here's the thing - we try hard and try to figure out what we want to do, but when we aspire to greatness the next step isn't all that sexy looking. I wouldn't ask you for advice on issues or ask for you to review my briefs or ask you to educate me about the Bluebook if I didn't trust your brilliance. Suck it up and eat some cat-nip (after midnight!). Imagine being that wild in the sack! sweet.
aw, thanks, tom. you've always been my favorite self-esteem camp counselor!
and i'm rooting for you in moot court.
you should know that comments in class have nothing to do with performance in law school! and i'm starting to realize that getting straight-As often (not always) means the person has no personality and just works all the time. you don't want to be that person.
although i want a crystal ball so i can be assured i'll still have a job when i'm done even though i'm not that person
i didn't know tom ross was a bronze god.
that last anonymous comment was me, sandy.
as for in-class comments, bah.
as for the rest, bah, too.
grades are a joke. there are straight-A students i could destroy in court, because good exam performance has nothing to do with being light on your feet and being able to separate fun abstract puzzles from the brute realities of practice and the attention span of beleaguered, imperious judges.
the scariest people i graduated with, the ones i'd see across the aisle in court and know i was in a whole heap of trouble, were pretty much all of them B/C students who knew their asses from their elbows.
grades don't reflect ingenuity and dedication and sheer doggedness.
I'm w/ Moon...
...mostly b/c I don't have a choice other than to figure out which is my ass and which is the other...
Oh, and Emily....you are wicked smart, even on your dumbest day. Don't let the man keep ya down!
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