wanted: one brain-to-mouth filter ASAP...

on the phone with my dad this afternoon, i told him all about how last night i went to dinner with dave and jessica and baby charlotte. dave has spent some quality time with my family (he even made the trip down to mississippi when my dad and step-mom got married) and dad has met jessica, so he was excited to hear about charlotte. i gushed and gushed about how amazing and beautiful charlotte is and how she and i are going to become fast friends and how i promised her i'll never get mad at her for drooling on me and how i couldn't take my eyes off her because it blows my mind that my good friends actually have a baby!

and after i told dad all i had to say about that, i said, without thinking:

"yeah, it was a crazy night -- i spent the first half of it with dave and jessica and their new infant, and then i went to a sex toy party!"

am i an idiot? seriously? this was my father on the phone! WTF?!?! and i didn't realize what i was saying until it was already too late; the words were just hanging out there in the air, hovering, horrifiedly looking back at me... a little voice inside my head silently screamed, "noooooo!!!"

but...

my dad responded, "really? you know, linda has always wanted to go to one of those." (linda = my step-mom). and then we proceeded to have a normal, adult conversation about how the sex toy industry exists for women because for men, masturbation is pretty simple. it was great! my dad said to me, "are you uncomfortable talking about this?" and i said, "dad, are you kidding? you do know your daughter is a crazy feminist, right?" my dad (and my mom when she was alive) may have been crazy catholics, but they were also crazy hippie catholics with a pretty healthy approach to sexuality (sooooooooo many contradictions in that string of words!). while the catholic church was saying that masturbation was a sin, my parents were saying, "no way! masturbation is healthy and natural!" aw, shucks, mom and dad! you guys are so progressive.

so, yeah. potentially disastrous awkward conversation crisis averted. it was as if we were talking about the weather. good for dad. good for emily.

although, in re-reading this post, i just realized the ramifications of my step-mom and sex toys... i mean, she'd use those with my dad, right? ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew EEEEEEEEWWWWWW!!! so much for adult conversation! i'm going to go throw up now.