nose to the grindstone/balls to the wall...

i just wrote out this long post about this giant melee that's been brewing at work this past week and then deleted every bit of it. it's just not something that's worth remembering.

the one point i'll note is this:

in the midst of sitting through a childish attack by my boss today inspired by a miscommunication between her and the guy who reports to me that she blew way out of proportion, i found myself wanting to blurt out in my defense, "woman, do you have any idea what i've been going through in the past couple of months?! do you have any idea of the kinds of horrific thoughts that constantly drift in and out of my head?!"

i know that i've met her head-on a couple of times when i've felt that she was making demands that were unrealistic or short-sighted, and each time i've done it, she's reacted personally and has attacked me personally. i know that perhaps my biggest workplace weakness is knowing when to keep quiet and how to speak when i must... but good god--in my own defense, my first impulse was to fall back on this stupid disease?! how sad have i become that i would allow myself to let this become my scapegoat!? how irresponsible and petty am i?! where is my head these days?!

ugh, i just did it again--wrote out a discourse on the bizarre injustices of my workplace. not. worth. remembering! shift. scroll. delete! okay, nine weeks. nine weeks from today i give my notice. i just have to behave for nine weeks.

hey! nine weeks ago today i had a brain biopsy!