week eight...

i've been in philadelphia now for eight weeks. and in six weeks i'll be on my way back to pittsburgh. i thought that by now i'd be looking forward to going back to school, getting back into classes, missing my life on the other side of the state. but the truth is that i don't want to have to go back, that going back seems somehow like going backwards.

it's sunday. i already have plans with friends every night this week. this is what i want my life to be -- a job that makes me happy, even when it gets frustrating; a paycheck that i earn (as opposed to money that i borrow); friends to see in the evenings; a city that feels like home. i feel like a real grown up these days.

ugh. i'm so bad at transitions! all day today for some reason i've been thinking about things from my past that i need to let go of. to some degree i feel like i've got to complete an obstacle course in order to move forward.

but maybe this is a good sign? maybe my feeling so frustrated and impatient with having this final year of school ahead of me means that i'm on the right path? somehow this makes sense to me right now, on sunday night. but i don't have the wherewithal to try and explain it.

i dunno. there's something about this summer that is entirely self-indulgent and fantastic, and yet the self-indulgence and fantasticness seems totally worthwhile. like a three-month retreat.

oh, and i'm going to quit smoking. soon. on bastille day. i'm nervous about it.